I am still in the process of figuring it all out. It? Well... Food, nutrition, training, cardio and my view of it all.
After you have done something, the same way for so many years it is hard to change your view about what works and what doesn't.
I had always believed that to lose weight you had to eat very little calories, do hours of steady state cardio a day, train using only high reps and eat a limited diet of proteins and greens.
For years I did this, twice I have re-bounded - Beating myself up day after day, thinking to myself';
"Why don't you have any self control?"
"Why can't you just stick to your diet?"
"Stop thinking about carbs and yummy foods! Eat a boring diet to achieve an exciting body!"
This is wrong. All of it. Everything I have ever learned is a LIE, and in the process I have ruined my metabolism. I have ruined my self-image, I have developed these feelings of hatred for my 'off season body'
Never thinking I am good enough unless I am a certain weight or dress size. Constantly comparing myself to other women, especially in the fitness industry. If she can stick to her diet, training and two a days, Why can't I?
Little did I know, she was probably dying inside. Hungry, TIRED, grumpy. Eating her fish and asparagus, striving for this perfect body. Ignoring her family and friends, ruining relationships, not being social, and living in the gym and kitchen.
I'm not saying everyone with an amazing physique does this, but MANY do. Last year, after I came out with my Initial post,
Vicious Cycle - It got a little popular. It went on the Sioux Country forums, Facebook page and on a couple Twitter accounts.
I got alot of comments on it, and it felt great to get it all out. Not for anyone but me.
It seems like ever since then, there has been so many women coming out from the woodwork with their metabolic issues, adrenal fatigue, hormone issues and food and body image disorders - Which is what I have experienced the most, along with a stubborn ass body!
My body is having a hard time responding to what *used* to work - Which is low calorie, high cardio programs.
A good example being last November I tried to start prep again for the 2013 Western Canadians, which I should be 3 weeks out right now, but my body was not responding to the program as well as I expected even though I was working hard.
I knew I had to pull myself out of prep for a couple reasons. One being I had surgery in January and couldn't train very hard, and another being I knew I couldn't put myself through another prep. My body was begging for a break. Forever it seems.
So I stopped dieting. Yes, I gained weight. More than I would like. My body was hungry, I fed it. I had an occasional binge and yes I over-ate at times.
The important things is, that I recognized the damage I was doing to my body and that I stopped it. I got some great advice from some people that I truly appreciate and am forever grateful for their insights.
Renee - Thank you for letting me e-mail you after my show and pour my heart out to you. Thank you for giving me the best advice I could have ever gotten for my health. Stop dieting and stop doing cardio. It really helped. You told me some harsh truths that I needed to hear. You told me that yes I would probably gain weight, but as hard as it is, to LOVE my body unconditionally.
Jason and the rest of the crew at Sioux Country - Jason, thanks for running such an amazing board of inspirational women (and men) who aim to help and support future, current and past competitors.
Thanks to the forum, I have an outlet. I have a place to ask questions and get answers.
It is here that competitors and fitness enthusiasts can get REAL advice that they can use.
Scott Abel - Although you will never read this blog, I want to say thank you for the amazing information that you put out there for us. Your E-Books have honestly saved me from years of pain.
I have read three of your E-Books and they have helped me immensely. I will continue to follow your teachings and read your blog. Thank you for teaching me how to love my body, contest or no contest.
Layne Norton - Thank you for all you do for women like us. Your video logs, tweets, Facebook and Sioux Country posts have done so much for me, in letting me see the light. Letting my see that contest prep and fitness doesn't have to be that way of starving and over-cardio. Thank you for responding to my e-mail and tweets. It means alot.
Thanks for taking the time to post on the boards and help us out when in need. It is because of you that I know I don't have to starve myself and kill myself with cardio to get fit. Because if it worked, I would have stayed that size.
I also want to say a thank you for anyone that reads this blog and comments, or sends me messages. Thank you for your support over the last year and a bit!
It has been a long year, and will continue to be a long road, but I'm ready. I've realized a few things just over the last couple months.
Most importantly, I will never be back into a size 4 in a matter of months. It's going to take hard work and to be able to stay in the shape I want, I NEED TO TAKE IT SLOW.
Eating to fuel my body, lifting heavy, and enjoying being in the gym is my main fitness focus right now and it feels pretty damn good!
This time around, it's fitness for life.
xoxo
Andrea